Learn to Forget
by firewaterspaceairearth
Summary: Somewhat AU, any medical stuff is completely made up. When the bullying reaches a dangerous peak, Kurt is forced to leave McKinley, and everything with it, forever. But he can't completely erase it. Ten years later, Kurt Hummel is extremely sensitive to triggers which can cause severe panic attacks. But one day, things take a new path, one which will completely change his life.
1. Forget me

_If you recognise it, it's not mine._

* * *

This was ending soon.

The thought rang through Kurt's head as he walked down the corridor. This was the last day, the last lesson, the last locker slam, the last slushie. The last Glee meeting.

The club filed in in twos and threes. Mercedes sat next to him, nudging his hat straight. Puck and Santana started fighting over something. Mike spun Tina into a chair as Quinn and Sam drifted in, laughing together. Artie wheeled in with Brittany giggling hysterically on his lap, having evidently been given a ride down the hall. Rachel and Finn sat next to each other in the row behind Kurt, loosely holding hands. Kurt looked at his friends.

This was ending soon.

* * *

"Ok! I was thinking we could try and put a bit more emotion in our performances. I know some of you are great actors, so let's see what you got! Anyone want to start?"

As usual, Rachel was halfway out of her chair at the word 'performances.'

"Mr Schue, I think that for emotion Adele is an excellent example. She writes beautiful songs about her own experiences-"

A quiet voice cut her off.

"No. Let me."

Rachel frowned.

"Excuse me, but I was-"

"Talking. I know. But I have to do this. Please."

Rachel sat down, surprised at the almost broken sound of Kurt's voice. Kurt walked to the front of the room, not looking at anyone. He missed the glances bounced around the club. He sang without any backing, his sad, clear voice filling the room.

"_Well I guess it's been a while_

_Since I've seen the sunshine_

_Since I have smiled_

_And me, who's so well versed_

_Is feeling so damn empty_

_Is at a loss for words_

_Forgot what it's like_

_To just to feel okay_

_I'm praying for the day_

_When there is no more rain_

_And I don't wanna do anything but cry_

_Oh, and I don't wanna do anything but cry"_

True to the song, tears began to make their way down Kurt's face. The club sat in silence as he continued.

"_Well I hardly feel alive_

_I'm going through the motions_

_But I don't feel like trying_

_The hole in my heart is growing bigger by the day_

_I wish that I could crawl inside Hide away_

_And I don't wanna do anything but cry_

_Oh, and I don't wanna do anything but cry"_

Mercedes knew Kurt had been hiding the bullying for weeks, but she had noticed the way he looked from side to side almost constantly, the way he never sat back in his chair for bruises.

"_Oh, I'm so low_

_I'm almost to the bottom_

_And oh, nowhere to go_

_Even my soul has left my body_

_Oh, and I don't wanna do anything but cry_

_Oh, and I don't wanna do anything but cry _

_And I don't wanna do anything but cry_

_And I don't wanna do anything but cry"_

As the last note faded, Kurt looked up at the Glee club, who were sitting silently, many with tears pouring down their own faces. A round of applause began which went on for a good minute and a half. Kurt nodded in acknowledgement.

"I'm sorry," he whispered to the room.

"I just can't deal with it anymore."

Mercedes felt like her heart was breaking. What was Kurt trying to say?

"You guys are great, ok? Really, the best friends anyone could ask for. But I can't stay here."

Kurt wavered, sending a pleading glance in Finn's direction. Finn stood and walked over to him, a whispered conversation which Mercedes only caught fragments of.

"...I can't tell them..."

"Do you want me to do it?"

"..I c-can't..."

"Woah, dude. Calm down."

"C-can't d-do it..."

"Kurt, look at me."

And suddenly, Kurt's face turned sheet white and he crumpled to the ground. Everyone gasped as Finn caught his stepbrother, lowering him to the floor. Mercedes was frozen in her seat as she watched Finn kneel next to her best friend, talking in a low tone. Eventually, he lifted the smaller boy up and placed him in a chair.

"Ok. I'll tell them, dude. They deserve to know."

Instantly, a babble of questions burst out.

"What just happened?"

"Is he okay?"

"Is Kurt sick?"

"What did he mean?"

"Is Kurt dying?"

The voices fell silent as everyone turned to look at Brittany. Finn sighed heavily.

"No. He's not dying."

"Then what is it? Why did he sing that song? Just tell us, Finn."

Mercedes isn't sure when she started crying, but big tears are running down her face as she pleads with the jock. And Finn sighs again, sits down right there in the middle of the floor, and they all crowd round in a circle. Finn begins to talk and it's all Mercedes can do not to run over to Kurt and tell him he can't do this. Because what Finn's saying makes her feel sad and guilty and sick all at once. A glance round the room shows everyone else feels the same. And Finn keeps talking, words buzzing round and embedding themselves in the Glee club's hearts like arrows. Bullies. Slushies. Locker slams. Dumpsters. Assault. Beaten up. Broken ribs. Sprained wrist. Concussion. Bad memories. Triggers. Panic attacks. Emergency transfer. Dalton. Can't come back.

_Ever._

Mercedes sits there on the floor and cries, deep heartbroken sobs. Around her, she sees Quinn and Rachel reaching out to each other, all differences forgotten. Brittany is whispering to Santana, tough Santana who never cries but has tears running down her face. Tina has buried her face in Mike's shoulder, while Sam and Artie are sitting looking as if someone had slapped them. Puck is the first to speak. He swears, brutal and choked. Mr Schue shushes him, but he seems shellshocked too. Kurt walks over to Mercedes.

"I..."

"When do you go?" she says, voice flat and hollow.

"Tomorrow. I'm sorry, boo."

"Me too. I should have noticed, done something."

"Forget it. Forget me, Cedes. I can't come back here. It's not safe, I can't feel safe."

"I won't forget you. You're my best friend, Kurt."

"Goodbye, Mercedes."

He hugs her one last time, sends a last smile to the Glee club, and walks out of the door. He doesn't look back.

* * *

**Song: Cry- Alexx Calise**


	2. Is it actually you?

_If you recognise it, it's not mine._

* * *

**Ten years later**

Kurt Hummel, major fashion designer walks through the shiny glass doors on the way to a mystery interview. The idea is that the two guests don't know who they're meeting until they walk onstage. Kurt automatically brushes a strand of hair back into style before his phone buzzes.

_'Can't wait to see you on TV later! Love you, Blaine xxxxxx'_

The text makes him smile. His husband, a music teacher, works during the day, so he couldn't come with him. Smiling, Kurt taps out a reply.

_'I wonder who I'll meet? It can't be all that bad...can it? Love you more, Kurt xxxxxxxx'_

A perky assistant runs up to him.

"Mr Hummel? You're going on first, ok? Ready in five minutes!"

Kurt nods and makes his way to the stage in time for the theme music to start.

"And here today we have... Kurt Hummel!"

"Hello there, Bella, how are you?"

"Very well, thank you!"

"Can I just say how great it is to be here, I'm not going to lie, I love this show."

A huge cheer came from the crowd. Bella laughed.

"Now, Kurt. Before you meet today's mystery guest, I want to have a chat with you. Is it true that you're designing a new range of clothes?"

"Yes, it's going to be for the spring catalogue, dresses, tops... I'm also thinking of moving into designing accessories. Scarves, ties, belts?"

"Wow, that sounds pretty awesome to me! Any more information?"

"Actually, I did have this knocking around," Kurt smiled, rummaging in his pocket for a silky green scarf.

"Oh my goodness, Kurt. I can't accept this..."

"It's nothing. What do you think?"

"Well, it's gorgeous! And I think it's time for you to meet our second guest. Ladies and Gentlemen, she's a full on diva with two hugely successful albums and a new one in the mix. Everyone, it's Mercedes Jones!"

Kurt stood up, ready to greet the guest, but when he heard the name, he collapsed into his chair, the colour draining from his face. It had been so long since he'd thought about his old life. Briefly he slipped into a flashback.

* * *

_ After Sectionals Mercedes had found him in the greenroom._

_"W-what are you doing here?" he'd stammered, memories already flooding back. People shoving him, punching him. A snapping sound as he was pushed against a door._

_"I had to see you, I'm sorry. You were great out there, Kurt."_

_"M-mercedes, I can't d-do this. G-go. I'm sorry, b-but..."_

_His breath caught as he looked back into the greenroom. Blaine came out and took his arm._

_"Kurt, you ok? Who are you?"_

_"I'm Mercedes, I'm from New Directions. I'm Kurt's best friend...or was."_

_"I'm s-sorry. P-please, just forget m-me..."_

_Blaine led him back into the greenroom, but not before he heard the desparate sob._

_"I'm never forgetting you, Kurt."_

* * *

Kurt was dragged back by worried gasps from the audience.

"Kurt? What happened there?"

Kurt fitted an 'it's totally fine' look on his face.

"Sorry, spaced out for a moment."

Then he was crushed by a hug he hadn't felt for ten years.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god... Kurt, is it actually you, oh my god," Mercedes was crying into his shoulder, and somehow, Kurt was crying too. Bella tapped their shoulders.

"So, you guys know each other, then?"

Kurt and Mercedes pulled apart, settling into the chairs.

"We knew each other in high school, but we drifted apart a bit," Kurt said smoothly. Bella smiled brightly.

"Mercedes, you were going to perform for us, I understand. What's the song?"

"It's one I'm covering on the album. Sarah McLachlan's 'I will remember you'."

Mercedes stepped up to a microphone as a soft piano began.

_"I will remember you, will you remember me?_

_Don't let your life pass you by,_

_Weep not for the memories_

_Remember the good times that we had?_

_I let them slip away from us when things got bad._

_How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun _

_Want to feel your warmth upon me _

_I want to be the one"_

Kurt felt more tears come to his eyes as he listened to the voice he thought he'd never hear again.

_"I will remember you, will you remember me?_

_Don't let your life pass you by_

_Weep not for the memories_

_I'm so afraid to love you_

_But more afraid to lose_

_Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose _

_Once there was a darkness _

_Deep and endless night _

_You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me life_

_I will remember you, will you remember me?_

_Don't let your life pass you by_

_Weep not for the memories"_

Mercedes finished the song, returning to her seat. The audience burst into applause, Kurt and Bella joining in. There was a few more minutes of small talk, and then the show was over. As they were leaving the stage, Mercedes grabbed his arm.

"There's this really cool coffee place down the road, it's called Abigail's. Do you know it?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Meet me there. Please. Just for five minutes. I just want to talk."

* * *

**Song: Sarah McLachlan- I will remember you**


	3. Contact

_If you recognise it, it's not mine._

* * *

So Kurt went to the coffee shop. The celebrities drew quite a bit of attention, but they ignored the stares. Kurt took out his phone.

"Texting someone?"

"Yeah. Blaine. He's...he's my husband," Kurt said with a blush. Mercedes squealed.

"Really! Oh my god, I'm so happy for you!"

Kurt leaned forward towards her.

"What about you? What's been happening in the last ten years?"

Mercedes sighed.

"Which bits do you want?"

"Everything. I really regret leaving you guys. I've missed you so much, Mercedes."

"Me too, boo. After you left, everything just fell apart. Everyone just seemed so...sad. Even Finn, and he lived with you. It hit everyone hard. We had to drop out of Sectionals because we just weren't good enough, without you. I did go, even though Finn told me not to, but when I saw you it was like you didn't want to know me. I'm really sorry, I should have known you weren't ready. I just missed you so bad, Kurt."

Kurt reached over and took her hand, ignoring the whispers which spread through the crowd.

"I'm better now, though. It took a long time, but I'm fine. Blaine was really understanding, but I did really miss you guys. So, what happened, how did you get famous?"

Mercedes smiled.

"Actually, I didn't. Not straight away, anyway. After graduation I did get a record deal but my agent was a total creep, so I had to give up on it. It was amazing, though. I got a box of demo CDs so I sent them to a few companies, and one of them liked me, and it just snowballed from there."

"That's great, Mercedes," Kurt said honestly, "Do you want to come round to mine? It's not far, and you can meet Blaine, I think you'd like him a lot."

Mercedes nodded.

"Anyone who makes you this happy is absolutely one of my favourite people ever."

Kurt laughed as they walked out of the coffee shop.

"You've changed a lot, Kurt."

"So have you. We aren't in high school anymore, Mercedes."

There were several minutes of silence. As they reached the apartment, Kurt paused.

"Can I ask something?"

"Anything."

"What happened to Karofsky?"

Before Mercedes could answer, the door opened, and a man with curly black hair came out, wrapping Kurt in an embrace.

"Oh my god, I'm so glad you're back!"

"Calm down, Blaine. I'm fine, see?"

"I was so worried, you looked like you were about to have a panic attack onstage, what happened?"

"You watched it?"

"Yeah, one of the kids was sick so she missed her lesson. Wait, who...?"

"Um... Blaine, this is Mercedes Jones. She's an old friend. Mercedes, this is my husband, Blaine Anderson."

Blaine's jaw dropped.

"Since when did you know music stars?"

Kurt shuffled his feet.

"It's complicated. Shall we talk about it inside?"

"Ok, but you have to explain this!"

* * *

Kurt settles onto the sofa, gesturing for Mercedes to sit next to him. Blaine brings a tray of biscuits and coffee over, passing them round.

"So, how did you two meet?"

Blaine and Mercedes ask at the same time. Blaine laughs.

"I was lead singer for the Warblers, I sort of became Kurt's mentor and it just went from there."

"Kurt, you do know that Rachel would have killed you for this?"

"Yeah." Kurt said quietly. Blaine leant over and took his hand.

"Kurt, are you ok?"

"I'm fine. Stop worrying."

"Are you sure? You look a little pale."

"Yes!"

Mercedes laughed quietly.

"You're still stubborn, Kurt."

"That's what I'm always telling him, but he keeps denying it."

"I know! Once in high school I tried to wear something he didn't like, and he actually tried to make me go home and change!"

Blaine frowned.

"So you're from Mckinley then?"

"Yeah. I was Kurt's best friend, until he left."

"Oh. Okay. And then you met again on Bella? Wow. That's one hell of a coincidence."

Kurt leant back in his chair.

"Mercedes, what happened to Karofsky?"

"Wait, who's Karofsky?" Blaine asked, a worried look crossing his face.

"Just somebody else from Mckinley."

Blaine got up and gathered the cups together.

"I'll just go wash these up, then I have to phone back Lily's mom, see if I can rearrange her lesson. She's got a grade coming up, so she needs all the practice she can get. And then there's a lot of music theory I need to check over, so I'll leave you guys to catch up, ok?"

He walked out of the room. Mercedes smiled at Kurt.

"He's really cool, Kurt. You got lucky!"

"I know. He worries too much though. Between worrying and hair gel, it's hard to tell which he's spent more time on."

"I heard that!" Blaine yelled from the kitchen.

"It's only because he loves you, boo."

Kurt smiled before a more serious look crossed his face.

"So, what happened with Karofsky?"

"Well, Coach Sue managed to get him sent to juvie for a while. When he came back, he actually toned down on the bullying. It's like you were the main guy he went for. But later he tried to commit suicide, nobody knew why, and got put on suicide watch- Kurt, are you ok?"

Kurt was clenching his fists so tightly that his knuckles were almost transparent.

"Yeah. Go on."

"Well, there's not much more. I think he transferred somewhere, but I never heard anything else. Kurt, seriously, are you ok? What's wrong?"

"G-get B-blaine," Kurt gasped, chest heaving.

"Blaine!" Mercedes yelled. "Blaine!"

"Yeah?"

"It's Kurt-"

Blaine's feet skidded on the floor as he ran in.

"What happened?"

"He asked about one of his old bullies, and I told him, oh my god, what have I done..."

Blaine knelt next to Kurt, taking his hands and gently prising the fingers apart. Mercedes gasped as she saw blood on his palms.

"Hey, Kurt, shhh, it's ok, it's ok. C'mon, snap out of it, you're fine, I'm here."

Kurt shuddered, tears coursing down his face.

"It's all my fault, I shouldn't have told..." he whispered. Mercedes moved sideways to let Blaine sit next to him. The shorter man pulled Kurt onto his lap, rocking him slowly. He started to hum softly. Mercedes thought she recognised the tune of Katy Perry's 'Teenage Dream'. Eventually, Kurt quieted, snuggling into Blaine's chest.

"Oh no you don't," Blaine laughed, gently moving Kurt off him. "I think you should go take your medication mister."

Kurt grumbled sleepily but allowed Blaine to lead him out of the room. Mercedes breathed a sigh of relief before smiling at how sweet the pair were. Blaine came back, flopping down on the sofa.

"Sorry," Mercedes said. He waved a hand dismissively.

"It wasn't entirely you anyway. The attacks can be really easily set off, crowds and stress are pretty big triggers, and Kurt was really nervous about that interview, I don't think he's actually slept for three days. He hates taking his medication, he says it makes everything all foggy, so he never takes it before an interview. Then he met you, and that will have brought up a lot of memories, and then talking about his bullies... Panic attacks are part of his life now, really. If he's stressed and something happens, that's just how his mind copes. That was quite a mild one, really. I remember we were once trying to get a train, and a bunch of people recognised him. They got ridiculously excited, started trying to get to him. They crowded round, yelling to him. I tried to get them to calm down, but they didn't hear me. And Kurt...we had been pushed right to the edge of the platform, and he just collapsed. I tried to pull him up, and the crowd was screaming, and then a security guard helped me. I had to take him to the hospital, he couldn't breathe properly. That was probably the worst one ever. I still have nightmares about it sometimes."

Mercedes looked at Blaine to see his eyes brimming with tears. He slumped in his chair, a sigh escaping him.

"I just...I worry about what might happen if something happened, and I couldn't get to him. It really can become a serious medical condition, so we've tried to get him a tag, you know, like they have for diabetics, emergency contacts, medication, all that. But they refused to give me one. They said that you need at least two contacts. There aren't really all that many people Kurt can rely on to get there. Most of his family live in Ohio, and this is New York."

Mercedes frowned. Blaine stood up.

"I'd better go make sure he hasn't fallen asleep."

He came back with the taller man in a minute, and they curled up on the sofa.

"Sorry about earlier, Cedes."

"It's fine, Kurt. I understand. Blaine was telling me about... stuff."

Kurt stared at Blaine. Blaine shrugged and gestured for Mercedes to continue.

"I was thinking of settling down in New York, making my album here. If you want... I could be your other contact."

Kurt jumped up.

"Yes! Yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes!"

Blaine frowned.

"But what about flashback triggers? I mean, we'd be honoured and so, so grateful, but could it work?"

Kurt turned to face him, hands on his hips.

"I'd be fine. Really. It might actually help, beginning to untangle all the memories. Thank you, Mercedes. I know it's kind of a lot to ask, but-"

"Seriously, I'm in."

Blaine and Kurt wrapped her in a hug, sealing the deal.

* * *

A few weeks later, the tag came in the post. A small, silver oval on a fine chain. Kurt slipped it round his neck.

"There, Blaine. Now you don't need to worry the entire day long."

And for about a month, Mercedes doesn't worry either. She finds a nice apartment not too far away from the recording studio, and at least five days a week she goes over to Kurt and Blaine's for dinner. Her third album is released without a hitch, and when she gives a copy to the pair, they squeal when they see the dedication.

_'To my old friend Kurt Hummel._

_I'm never losing you again.'_

Life was beautiful. That was the best way to describe it. Then, one day, it shattered.


	4. Unhappy reunions

_If you recognise it, it's not mine._

* * *

Mercedes was in her apartment, preparing to have Kurt and Blaine over for dinner that night, when the phone rang. She picked it up with one hand, stirring a pot of tomato sauce with the other.

"Hello?"

"Is that Mercedes Jones?"

"Yes, who is this?"

"I'm a paramedic, I'm calling about your friend. Kurt Hummel?"

Mercedes dropped the spoon.

"Miss Jones? Are you there?"

"Yes. Yes, I'm here. Oh my god, what happened? Is he ok? Where are you? Did you call Blaine?" Mercedes gabbled in a panicked voice.

"Mr Anderson's phone went to voicemail. We're near the TV studio, about two blocks away, outside a shop called 'Twostep'. Do you know it?"

"Yeah, I think so," Mercedes says, shrugging on her coat.

"Miss Jones, there's also someone here who claims to know Mr Hummel. A Sebastian Smythe?"

"No, I don't know him. I'll be there in five minutes."

Mercedes hung up, running out of the flat.

When she arrived outside the shop, she could tell it was bad. An ambulance was parked in the middle of a crowd of people, and lying spreadeagled on the pavement was Kurt. Mercedes gasped, dropping to her knees beside her friend. The slim man was shivering, mumbling nonsense.

"Oh my god, Kurt. What happened to you?"

A paramedic came over with a small oxygen mask, which he gently strapped over Kurt's face.

"Are you Mercedes Jones?"

"Yes, do you know what happened to Kurt?"

"I'm afraid not. We got a phone call from Mr Smythe," he said, gesturing to a tall man standing to the side talking on a mobile phone, "saying that Mr Hummel had collapsed in the street. I believe that he's trying to contact Mr Anderson now."

"Ok. Kurt, can you hear me? I know you can't speak right now, but I want you to squeeze my hand if you can hear me." A slight pressure on her fingers.

"Great. Can you squeeze them again if you think you can take the oxygen mask off?" Kurt flexed his fingers again. Mercedes nodded to the paramedic who began taking the mask off just as Blaine sprinted round the corner.

"Kurt, Blaine's here now, ok?"

Kurt shuddered as Blaine threw himself down next to them.

"Mercedes, what happened? Is he ok?"

"I got a call at home telling me to come here, they don't know anything, apparently some guy named Sebastian was there."

Blaine looked up from whispering to Kurt to glance round the area, taking in the ambulance pulling away, the staring crowd holding cameras and phones, Sebastian trying to slip round the corner.

"Hey!" he shouts, so loudly that Kurt flinches. Sebastian pauses.

"Go after him. I need to talk to him," Blaine says to Mercedes. Mercedes stands up and walks over to the waiting man.

"Sebastian Smythe. No need to tell me your name, Miss Superstar."

"Blaine wants to talk to you."

"Fine by me. How about we meet for coffee, at Abigails? Ten minutes."

He turns and walks away. Mercedes makes her way back to Blaine and Kurt, who has just sat up.

"I don't like him," she says immediately. Kurt laughs weakly.

"I don't think anyone does."

* * *

They turn up at Abigail's a few minutes early. Blaine wanted Kurt to go home but he insisted on coming.

"If I go home, I'm going to miss out on you giving Sebastian the verbal slapping he should have gotten years ago."

Blaine laughed and submitted, though he told Mercedes to take him home straight away if he begins to get at all nervous.

"His system needs to relax fully, he's very vulnerable to triggers after a big attack like that."

"Jeez, Blaine. I'm not a baby, ok?"

"I'm just saying..."

When they get there they find a booth in the corner. They order coffee and sign autographs for the starstruck waitress. Blaine is jittery, tapping his fingers on the table, starting up a game of footsie until Kurt kicks his shin.

"Ow!"

"Blaine, you're acting like a nervous hamster."

"Can hamsters play footsie?"

"It was a metaphor, Blaine,"

"Simile, actually."

Kurt sighed, just as Sebastian walked in.

"Lover's quarrel?"

"Shut up."

"I thought you wanted to talk to me?"

Blaine glared at him. From what Mercedes could tell, the two had a lot of history, not all of it good. Kurt shifted closer to her as Blaine and Sebastian begin to argue.

"Sebastian's from Dalton as well, he liked Blaine and tried to break us up for a while. He was pretty obsessive. He always liked winding me up, he thought Blaine wouldn't be interested in someone so high maintenance," Kurt whispered.

"-And you haven't changed since high school! You're still a jerk!"

"Now, that's a bit harsh, don't you think? All the things I did back then, I did them for love."

"No, you did it for yourself, you-"

The argument was beginning to get more heated, so Mercedes tried to distract Kurt.

"So what happened?"

"Well, I was walking home and he found me, and started chatting. At first it was innocent, but then he started dragging up old issues, things which were linked to McKinley. I tried to ignore him but he kept going. When I collapsed I think he realised that he'd gone too far, and must have called an ambulance, and- Mercedes, you have to get them to stop arguing!"

The two men were both standing by now. Sebastian was calmly antagonizing Blaine, who was yelling.

"I see your boyfriend is still as much of a twitchy little princess as ever."

"Only because of you! Do you just get some twisted pleasure out of this sort of crap? You make me _sick_, Sebastian Smythe!"

Mercedes watched, dumbfounded. This was not the Blaine she knew. That Blaine was quiet and kind, never fighting, never doing anything which could hurt anyone. But now, as if in slow motion, she watched Blaine pull back his fist before punching Sebastian hard on the jaw. A loud smack echoed through the silent coffee shop. Sebastian shot Blaine a look of pure loathing.

"Classy, Anderson. Now look what you've done." He sauntered away as Blaine slumped in his seat. Mercedes reached out to him as he suddenly sat bolt upright.

"Kurt! Wait..."

But the door was already swinging shut. Blaine dropped his head into his hands.

"Oh my god, what have I done, Mercedes, you have to go after him!"

"Blaine..."

"Go!"

Mercedes glanced back at her friend before setting off into the streets.


	5. The Worst Night Ever

_If you recognise it, it's not mine._

* * *

Kurt stumbled through the alleyways of New York, gasping for air. Images ran through his head, of punches, kicks, blood, bullies, Karofsky, suicide... Suddenly he slipped, landing in a puddle. Several meters away, a door opened, spilling light onto the street. Voices reached his ears, vaguely familiar. He choked out a sob, tears tracing down his face. Footsteps came to his side.

"Hey, are you ok? Here, let's have a- oh my god. Kurt? Is that you? Come over here, now!"

"What?"

"I think... I think it's Kurt! Oh my god, we have to help him!"

"Hummel? I think you've had too much to drink."

"No, look, it's him. He looks really bad, we should get him inside. Kurt, listen, it's us, do you remember us?"

Kurt struggles to pull his eyes open, put a face to the voices, but only manages to gesture weakly to the chain round his neck before giving into the darkness. The last thing he hears is from someone so achingly familiar, but he can't remember who.

"Who the hell is Blaine?"

* * *

Mercedes is jogging through the streets when she gets the call.

"Hello?"

"Mercedes, is that you?"

"Rachel?"

"You know Kurt? Your name was on this tag thingy and we called you because we don't know who Blaine is-"

"Wait, you have Kurt?"

"Yeah, he's on our couch."

Mercedes sobs down the phone.

"Oh, thank god. Thank god. Call the other name, Blaine. He's his husband."

"Really? Ok." Rachel moved away from the phone.

"Santana, call the other number, it's Kurt's husband!"

There was an answering shout of "Wanky!"

"She's been worried too, Kurt's just shaking and he's so pale."

"Rachel, where are you?"

"Our apartment."

"Yeah, where's that?"

Rachel reeled off the address. Mercedes hung up and hailed a taxi.

"In a hurry, miss?"

"Yeah. It's important."

"Hey, aren't you that singer?"

"Yeah."

"Any chance of an autograph? For my daughter, she's a huge fan."

"Yeah, whatever."

"So, what's your date? Going to see someone nice?"

"Actually, yeah. Kurt Hummel. Your daughter know him as well?"

The taxi driver shut up.

* * *

Blaine was still in the coffee shop. The waitresses had tried talking to him, but he just waved them away, tears streaming down his face. His mobile rings, snapping him out of his despair.

"Haveyoufoundhimishealrightohgod" he gabbles.

"What the hell?" a woman's voice snaps on the other end.

"Ok, never mind. Santana Lopez here. We've got Kurt, he's in a pretty bad way though."

Blaine shoots up, banging his knee on the table.

"Where are you?"

* * *

Mercedes and Blaine reach the apartment at about the same time.

"Who is this Santana?"

"She's from Mckinley. I guess she's living with Rachel. Now that's random. They're alright, just to warn you, Santana doesn't really have a filter and Rachel... She's a bit full on."

She rings the bell and the door is pulled open by a pretty brunette in a black dress. She lunges forward and hugs Mercedes.

"Oh my god, I haven't seen you for years! I've heard so much about you though, your albums are phenomenal hits! Me and Santana were-"

"Where's Kurt?" Blaine interrupts. Rachel blinks.

"Through here. We didn't know whether to call an ambulance or not."

Blaine sprints through the apartment to find Kurt on a couch, a beautiful Latina wiping his forehead with a damp towel.

"Kurt!"

Blaine rushes forward, falling to his knees next to his husband.

"Hey, hobbit. Seriously, are you in competition with Berry for lack of height or something?"

"Santana!" Mercedes cries, embracing the woman.

"What happened, how did you find him?"

"We were going out for dinner, and when we got out of the door, Rachel heard someone crying. When she found him, we had to get him into a lift. He weighs hardly anything, Sue would be impressed. What's up with him? And how come you know him, Finn said we couldn't see him anymore?"

So while Blaine checked over Kurt, Mercedes sat down and told them the whole story. How she'd tried to meet Kurt at Sectionals, then years later, they were both on _Bella_ and how it went from there. How Sebastian had wound up Kurt until he collapsed, how Blaine and Sebastian had argued, Blaine punching Sebastian in the face. How Kurt had run out, until they found him.

"But how did we miss all this, I mean, the fashion, the TV shows, everything?"

Mercedes shrugged.

"He told us to forget him. I guess some of us did."

Rachel looks like she's about to cry, so Mercedes changes the subject.

"So how'd you two end up living together?"

"Basically, a few months after I'd been here on my own, Santana decided to learn dance at NYADA extension and moved in. Uninvited, may I add."

"You needed someone to keep you away from the animal sweaters, Berry."

The casual conversation was interrupted by Blaine's worried call.

"Mercedes? I think Kurt needs a hospital."

Mercedes walked over to the two men. Kurt's skin was tinged with grey, and he was shaking. His shuddering gasps were weak, as if he was losing consciousness by the second.

"This is the worst I've ever seen him. Not even the train station..."

Mercedes folded the man into a hug, holding him as he dissolved into tears.

"Can one of you call an ambulance? Tell them it's Kurt Hummel, Acute Panic Disorder."

Rachel nods, scurrying over to the phone. Mercedes softly murmurs to Blaine until Santana roughly pulls him round and shakes him. He jumps, startled.

"Look, hobbit, I get that you're upset and stressed and probably blame yourself, but you need to pull yourself together. Kurt needs you to be strong, not to sit there acting like a wet tissue. Got it?"

"Y-yes," Blaine stammers. Mercedes shrugs, sending him an 'I did warn you' look.

Rachel comes over again.

"The ambulance should be here soon. I recognise you from somewhere, I swear, Blaine."

"Really? I'm pretty sure I've never met you before-"

_"Spies!"_

"Excuse me?"

"Oh my god, Berry. That was over like, ten years ago."

"But I remember! You were the lead singer of the Warblers!"

"Spies?"

Santana smirked.

"Again, Berry, ten years and you still think that they could somehow steal your setlist."

"Just because some of us were far more comfortable with the enemy..."

The blossoming quarrel was interrupted by a knock on the door. Rachel let the paramedics in. They took one look at the man on the couch and instantly moved into action.

"Severe attack, patient is having breathing difficulties. We'll need a stretcher and oxygen prepared."

They lifted Kurt onto a the stretcher, carefully maneuvering him into the lift. Blaine jogged after them, pleading to be allowed to go with him.

"Sorry, mate. There's not enough space, and we really have to get going. Could you meet us there, do the paperwork and stuff?"

Blaine nods, but as soon as they're gone he slumps against the wall. Mercedes takes his arm.

"C'mon, Blaine. We'd better go to the hospital. You guys don't have to come, if you don't want to."

Rachel and Santana had already grabbed their coats.

"Oh, you are joking, right?"

"We're still Kurt's friends. No matter what."

* * *

When the group reach the hospital, they're asked to fill in a bunch of forms. Blaine's hands are shaking so much that he drops them three times before handing them to Mercedes. Mercedes carefully fills in Kurt's birthday, next of kin, symptoms, and condition. She barely manages the 'triggers' section without tearing the paper. Crowds. Stress. Violence. Cocky meerkat-faced idiots called Sebastian Smythe. Mercedes hands the forms in to the receptionist, who nods politely and says that Kurt is in Room 14, Ward 18. She goes back and tells Blaine.

"I can't. Really. Please, Mercedes, I just..."

"Blaine, c'mon. Kurt needs you."

He shakes his head miserably.

"I'm the one who set him off this time. I shouldn't go."

Mercedes pats his shoulder.

"Tell you what, Blaine. I'll go see him, and I'll text you, then you can come, if you want?"

Blaine nods, tears streaking his face. Mercedes glances at Rachel and Santana.

"Look after him, kay? No attacks about the Warblers-"

"Attacks?"

"-or rude questions. Clear?"

"Fine. Seriously, chill, hobbit. No gay bashing or anything. Man-hands over there has two daddies, and I'm a lesbian. No worries."

* * *

Mercedes arrives outside Room 14 without too much trouble. Peering through the door, she sees Kurt with a heart monitor hooked up to him. He looks like he's sleeping but as Mercedes pushes the door open, he looks over at her.

"Hi."

Mercedes sits down on the bed.

"You scared us there, Kurt. Blaine was terrified, he was pretty close to a panic attack himself. He didn't come with me, he thought that he triggered the attack. He's waiting with Santana and Rachel. They found you, turns out they live in New York too, flatmates. Who would've thought it?"

Kurt's breathing hitches as memories flood back again. Mercedes grabs his arms, forcing him to look at her.

"Hey, think about good stuff to do with them. Like Santana freaking out in Spanish, remember that?"

Kurt nods, before giggling quietly.

"What's so funny?"

"Rachel. There's nothing ironic about show choir!" he mimics.

Mercedes chuckles, and for a while they sit there just laughing. Eventually, Mercedes texts Blaine.

'I'm pretty sure he doesn't hate you, B. Come on!'

Within a minute, the door opened, showing Blaine in front of Santana and Rachel, who seem to be in the middle of an argument.

"-can't talk seeing as you were infatuated with Jesse St Sucks for ages."

"That was different!"

"Oh, the irony. St James turned out to be a complete jerk but the real competition is absolutely charming."

"There's nothing ironic about love!" Rachel huffed as Kurt and Mercedes burst out laughing. Blaine embraced Kurt.

"I'm so glad you're alright. Honestly Kurt, I thought I was losing you."

"I'm fine now."

"Now, yeah, but... I'm so sorry. It was my fault. If it wasn't for Santana and Rachel, I don't know what could've happened."

"Oh, don't cry, I'm fine. Oh, Blaine. Has he been like this the whole time?"

Mercedes nods.

"Congratulations, Hummel. You've gotten yourself hitched to a gel-obsessed, worrying hobbit." Santana drawls, smirk firmly in place.

"Hello, Satan, Rachel. Long time no see, huh?"

Before he can blink, Kurt is engulfed in two hugs and deafened by Rachel Berry in full flow.

"Oh my god I'm so glad we've met you again. I literally was in tears when you had to leave and then we had to drop out of Sectionals. I got my big break like seven years ago, though, I got Elphaba in Wicked, and when I sang 'Defying Gravity' on the opening night I nearly ran off in tears but of course I didn't because I'm a professional, because oh my god I've just missed you so much!"

Kurt laughed nervously. Blaine picked up on it, and put an arm round him reassuringly. This prompted further squeals from Rachel.

"Oh my god you guys are so cute, although Kurt, I can't believe you married the competition- _mmph_!"

Santana clamped a hand over her mouth.

"She hasn't changed, has she?"

"Nope!" Kurt and Mercedes said simultaneously.

"But seriously, you guys need to stop crushing me, I need to get out of these hospital clothes and go home," Kurt added. The group laughed.

"What? Honestly, if anything gets out about- Blaine!"

Blaine stuffed his phone back in his pocket.

"Delete it! Now!"


	6. Christmas Cards

_If you recognise it, it's not mine._

* * *

Sebastian hadn't been seen since that terrifying evening, while Santana and Rachel came round as often as possible. Again, life was turning out pretty well. Kurt's winter catalogue came out, well received by his fans, and Rachel and Mercedes both got offered cameo roles in the same film. The group tended to get a lot of attention when they went out, the fashion designer, the Broadway star and world famous singer, plus their two 'mysterious friends', as one magazine put it. Kurt's collapse and hospital visit had also been featured but it had all died down pretty quickly, much to Blaine's relief. Christmas was coming, which for Kurt meant decorating the apartment until it looked like it had been invaded by a small army of baubles and tinsel. One day, an invitation arrived in the post.

* * *

"Kurt, why have Rachel and Santana sent us an invitation to their Christmas party when they're coming over for dinner tonight?" Blaine asked, looking at the sparkly card in confusion.

"I don't know, remember it is Rachel though. It's probably her party anyway."

"Probably. Do you think Mercedes got one as well?"

The doorbell rang. Blaine answered it, embracing Mercedes as she hung her hat on a peg.

"It's started snowing outside. Looks like it'll be a white Christmas."

Kurt turned the heat down on the spaghetti.

"Really? Great! I love the snow, I remember me and Mom used to try to make the biggest snowman ever. I always insisted on dressing them up in colour-coordinating hats, scarves and gloves."

Blaine and Mercedes laughed.

"You're so much like a little kid sometimes, Kurt."

"Am not!" Kurt said, folding his arms and pouting.

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are-"

What could have escalated into a full toddler-style quarrel was interrupted by the bell ringing again.

"I'll get it!" the two men yelled. Mercedes stuck out her foot, sending the pair sprawling on the floor. Kurt promptly sat on top of Blaine, who started trying to tickle him. Mercedes stepped over them and opened the door for Rachel and Santana. The women ignored the fighting pair.

"Oh my god, did someone decide this place was a Christmas tree?"

"Kurt."

* * *

When the food was ready (and the hosts had stopped acting like three year olds), everyone gathered round the table.

"Rachel, when is your Christmas party?"

"Oh, is it not on the invitation? I'll have to phone everyone else. It's a week on Saturday."

Blaine frowned.

"Who else is coming?"

"Oh, we've invited the rest of the New Directions! We managed to keep in touch with some of them, and the people we kept in touch with had kept in touch with other people, so we've got almost everyone!"

Kurt stood up.

"Excuse me for a minute."

When he reached the bathroom, he locked the door and sat down on the mat, not caring about wrinkling his clothes. He rested his head in his hands angrily.

"Why can't I just forget all the bad stuff, and be normal?" he muttered, "Instead, I can't even think about a Christmas party without needing to leave the room."

A knock on the door brought him out of his thoughts.

"Kurt?" Mercedes. Of course.

"Are you ok? Blaine thought you were upset, so I came to check on you. Are you alright?"

Kurt shook his head, before realising she couldn't see him.

"No. Not really. Can I just...go lie down?"

"Do you want me to get Blaine?"

"Yeah."

Mercedes moved away from the door as Kurt pulled it open, slipping down the hall into his and Blaine's bedroom. He curled up on the bed, a few stray tears rolling down his face. Then strong arms were wrapped around him, soft curls brushing his cheek. Kurt cried into Blaine's shoulder, the other man gently rocking him. Eventually, Kurt's tears stopped flowing.

"Sorry," he sniffed.

"It's fine, what were you so upset about?"

"It's kind of stupid."

Blaine sat cross-legged opposite Kurt, looking directly into his eyes.

"What is it?"

"It's just... I haven't seen all my old friends for years. Literally, and just thinking about it is scary, and I hate it! I want to be able to discuss meeting up with friends without hoping there aren't any bad memories lurking about, and be able to meet them without being on medication so strong I'm barely awake!"

Blaine nodded sympathetically.

"Do you want to go to the party?"

"Yes! No...I don't know."

"Shall we go back through soon? I may have abandoned Mercedes to Rachel gushing about... I'm not entirely sure. It may have been Christmas carols."

Kurt laughed, taking Blaine's hand. The pair walked back through, cutting off Rachel who was having a one-sided discussion about which Christmas song would suit her voice best.

"-Or maybe 'Baby it's Cold Outside' could be a great duet, any volunteers? Blaine?"

Kurt smoothly picked up the empty plates.

"One, Blaine's taken, and two, so's the song."

"So you'll be coming? Great!"

"Rachel, you haven't told everyone I'll be there, have you?"

"No. Santana wouldn't let me. She said that we should let you come a bit later, give you a chance to change your mind. Personally, I think that this will add a real sense of drama to the evening-"

Santana sighed.

"And, she's off. Can I crash at your place for the next week, Mercedes?"

"I wouldn't blame you."

"I wasn't joking."

* * *

Eventually, the day of the party dawned. Kurt had spent the last week picking out presents from his wide range of designer clothing. He'd even specifically designed some new dresses for Santana, Rachel and Mercedes, and Blaine was getting an assortment of bow ties. He was still pretty scared of going to the party, even with Blaine by his side. The amount of memories was sure to be overwhelming, and although Kurt had decided he wouldn't take his medication before the party, he knew that Blaine would probably bring it anyway. Staring into the mirror he brushed a speck of dust off his shoulder and tucked a stray strand of hair away. Blaine knocked on the door.

"Hey, Kurt, you can come out now!"

Kurt unlocked the door, revealing Blaine also dressed in a suit.

"Ok. You are not wearing those shoes with that suit. Go put on the ones I left out for you."

"Oh, but..."

"Do it!"

Blaine pouted, but did as Kurt said.

Kurt smiled at his husband. Being married to a fashion designer really could be a chore sometimes.

"Ok, ready to go?"

Blaine bobbed back in, with the 'correct' shoes on. Kurt nodded.

"Yeah. Let's go."

Blaine offered his arm. Kurt took it and together they walked out of the apartment. As they drew closer to Santana and Rachel's apartment, Kurt became more and more nervous. By the time they reached the door, he was clinging to Blaine's arm like a lifeline. His breathing was becoming uneven and shallow, a sign that he was going into a panic attack. Blaine guided him to the top of the stairs where they couldn't hear the faint buzz of chatter, sitting them down.

"Hey, Kurt, calm down, ok? What's up?"

Kurt's breathing hitched as he struggled to form words.

"D-don't want t-to look... W-weak."

"Kurt. Look at me," Blaine said, gently taking Kurt's face in his hands.

"You don't have to go in if you don't want to, we can go home, Santana and Rachel will understand. It's fine, Kurt."

"No, I w-want to g-go."

"Ok. I've got your pills here, do you want to take them?"

Kurt shook his head firmly.

"No. I'll be f-fine. Fine."

Blaine pocketed the little packet.

"Ok. Do you think you're ready to go in now, then?"

Kurt stood up.

"Don't let go of my hand."

"I won't. Promise."

Blaine rang the doorbell.


	7. Punch

_If you recognise it, it's not mine._

* * *

The door was pulled open by an obviously hyper Rachel.

"Come in, come in! Everyone's through here!"

They followed her through to the living room where all the furniture had been pushed back and a makeshift stage had been constructed. A crowd of people stood in the middle of the room chatting, but as Rachel led the couple in, all eyes turned on the newcomers. Kurt stepped closer to Blaine's side, squeezing his hand. The room went completely silent. Then, there was an excited shout of "Kurtie!" and Blaine was knocked sideways by a lithe blonde woman.

"Kurt?"

"What's happening?"

"Is that Kurt?"

"Who the hell are you?"

This last from a tough looking guy with a mohawk was directed at Blaine.

"Uh, I'm Blaine. Kurt's...husband?"

A really tall man walked over. Blaine looked up to see that he had kind eyes and scruffy brown hair.

"So that's Kurt then?"

"Yeah."

"Awesome! Hey, Brittany, let him breathe!"

The blonde let go of Kurt, who staggered against the wall.

"Bro, how you been doing?"

Kurt blinked.

"Finn?" he asked, sounding dazed, before launching himself into the guy's arms. Finn caught him easily as he seemed to burst into tears. Blaine automatically stepped forward but Mercedes pulled him back.

"Let them be, Blaine. I'll introduce you to everyone."

And she did.

"The Asian woman in the green dress is Tina. You know Santana, and the blonde guy over there is Sam. The blonde woman with the white dress is Quinn and that's Artie in the wheelchair. The other blonde is Brittany, she's probably not changed at all since high school. The guy with the mohawk is Noah but I think he still goes by Puck. Mike should be here soon, I think he's bringing someone from his work. The guy with Kurt is Finn, his stepbrother."

"Oh."

Blaine had known about Finn, that he and Kurt were close but hadn't seen each other since Kurt moved to New York because the memories in Ohio were often too intense to be able to deal with. He'd never mentioned he was so tall though. Kurt was still with the jock, talking with tears running down his face. Somebody came up behind him, tapping him on the shoulder. Blaine jumped, turning to see the blonde girl from earlier- Brittany- and the guy with the mohawk and the weird nickname.

"Puck," the guy said, offering a hand. Blaine shook it gingerly.

"My name's actually Noah Puckerman, but only Hummel gets to call me that."

Blaine nodded.

"Right. Puck."

"You better have been treating my boy right, ok?"

Before Blaine could reply, Brittany bounced in front of him.

"Is Kurt still a dolphin?" she asked matter of factly.

"Excuse me?"

"Well, you must be a dolphin too, so he must be!"

"Yeah, ok."

"Yay!"

She bounced away again as Kurt slipped his hand into Blaine's.

"Dolphins are gay sharks, by the way," he whispered into Blaine's ear.

Blaine decided not to question it, instead looking at Kurt carefully. There were still tear tracks on his face, but his eyes were alight with happiness. As the rest of his old friends crowded around, jostling Blaine until he was pushed to the edge of the crowd, nobody noticed the small packet of medicine fall from his pocket.

* * *

Blaine ended up sitting next to Santana at the edge of the room.

"What are you doing here?"

"Making sure Puck doesn't try and spike the punch."

"Oh."

"Believe me, most of us haven't changed since high school. Hudson's still clumsy, Berry still talks way too much, and Brittany's still...Britt."

Blaine fidgeted in his seat.

"Look, hobbit. I have a job to do here, that's why I'm not joining in. You need to go make some friends! They don't bite, ok?"

Before Blaine could reply, Rachel bobbed over.

"Let's get the music started, Santana!"

Santana was pulled away, gesturing to the punch bowl with a glare. Blaine gave her a thumbs up. As everyone stopped chatting and made their way to the chairs and beanbags scattered around the room, Kurt flopped down next to him.

"How are you doing?"

"Fine. It's great to see everyone again-"

He was interrupted by Rachel tapping the microphone.

"Hello, everybody! Thank so much for coming, it's wonderful to see everyone again-"

"And now she's making everyone do a karaoke slot. We're going first."

Santana drawled. The music started for 'All I want for Christmas'. It was a sweet duet, Rachel quite obviously singing to Finn. Then the Asian woman- Tina?- sang a haunting version of 'Silent Night'.

"Kurt, Blaine, it's your turn now!"

Kurt bounded up, pulling Blaine with him.

"Watch the punch," he muttered to the nearest person, who happened to be Brittany.

"Ok! What does it do?"

When they got to the stage, Kurt sang his first line just as playfully as he had back in Dalton. Blaine, caught off guard, almost missed his cue, sending a glance at Kurt.

_"But baby, it's cold outside."_

Kurt stepped away from Blaine's arm, a ripple of laughter moving through their audience.

_"My mother will start to worry,"_

_"Beautiful, what's your hurry?"_

Blaine swung himself over to a keyboard, joining in with the backing CD.

_"I've got to go home,"_

_"Ah, baby, you would freeze out there,"_

Kurt neatly wove through the audience back to the stage, Blaine following him as the song reached the end.

_"Ah, but baby, it's cold outside."_

The performance had been just as flirtatious and fun as it had been all those years ago at Dalton. The group clapped enthusiastically, including two men who stepped out from the hallway. The first, a tall Asian man shrugged apologetically.

"Sorry I'm late, there was some crazy traffic because of the snow. This is my colleague Sebastian," he said, gesturing to the second man. Mercedes, Rachel and Santana exchanged startled glances, but Blaine took no notice. Kurt had just fainted in a heap on the floor.

* * *

**Song: Baby it's cold outside**


	8. Out

_If you recognise it, it's not mine._

* * *

Blaine dropped to his knees next to Kurt, gently tapping his cheeks.

"Kurt? Kurt, can you hear me?"

Finn carefully scooped the smaller man up, carrying him over to a small couch. Blaine followed him, vaguely aware of Santana yelling at Sebastian in Spanish.

_"-Y créanme, si alguna vez tratar de meterse con Kurt, me volveré a encontrar, arrancarte la suricata estúpida cara-"_

For once, Rachel and Mercedes both seemed to agree with her, although they were holding her back from carrying out any threats. Blaine lifted Kurt's head into his lap.

"Kurt, wake up, ok? You're fine, nobody wants to hurt you, I'm pretty sure Santana wants to brutally murder Sebastian-"

_"-No eres más que un insecto insignificante que merece ser pisoteado en papilla y movió fuera de una ventana del piso superior! ¿Crees que estoy loco? ¿Crees que estoy enojado? Usted debe tener miedo de-_ Mercedes, Rachel, let me go! I need to go all Lima Heights on him!"

Finn walked over to Puck, muttering a few words to him. The pair went to Sebastian, took an arm each and dragged him into the hallway. Kurt shuddered violently in Blaine's arms, blue eyes flashing open before he hid his face in Blaine's chest. Blaine gently rubbed his shaking back.

"Kurt, you're fine, Sebastian's been kicked out, I'm just going to get your medicine, ok?"

Blaine rummaged in his pockets, a look of panic flickering over his face. The medication wasn't there. This was bad. Without his medication, Kurt could easily pass into a severe attack like the one he had a few weeks ago. The fact that this one was severe enough to make him collapse was a really bad sign.

Kurt continued to tremble, stifled gasps mingling with the sobs. Mike shuffled up to Blaine's shoulder.

"Mike Chang," he said.

"Blaine Anderson. I'm Kurt's husband."

"Look, I'm really sorry. I honestly didn't mean to do anything, Smythe isn't even my friend. He was just talking about some party he'd wanted to go to, but it had been cancelled, so I offered to let him come here, and..."

"It's not your fault. Kurt was really stressed about this, and he's had a bunch of bad experiences with Sebastian before, so it sort of all caught up too fast. And I can't find his medicine, so I'll have to take him home. Can you help me get him up?"

Mike nodded, glad to try to help, but as soon as he touched Kurt's trembling shoulder, the man whimpered, curling tighter into Blaine.

"Hey, it's only Mike. You remember?"

Kurt mumbled something into Blaine's shoulder.

"What was that?"

"D-dancing. M-mike d-danced a l-lot. A-and T-tina. A-asian F-fusion."

Mike rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, that's me. The Asian kid who danced."

Blaine gently eased Kurt to his feet, keeping a firm arm round his waist.

"Rachel, I'm taking him home. I'm really sorry, but he can't stay."

Rachel nodded understandingly, holding the door open. Blaine carefully led the still-sobbing Kurt back to the apartment.

"Here, take these and go to sleep," he said, giving his husband the little pills. Kurt swallowed them painfully, falling into a restless sleep soon after. Blaine sat next to him, smoothing a strand of hair back from his forehead.

* * *

The apartment was silent after the door clicked shut. Eventually, Artie spoke.

"What the hell just happened?"

Everyone turned to look at Mercedes expectantly. She cleared her throat, glancing at Finn.

"Ok. Kurt had...has Acute Panic Disorder. It's basically caused by triggers like big crowds, violence, people or things which bring back memories, stress, that sort of thing."

Tina looked close to tears.

"We basically filled up all those categories, didn't we? Aside from the violence, I guess," she said with a glance at Puck. Finn stepped forward, continuing the explanation.

"You all remember what I told you the day Kurt left? That he'd been attacked? Well, the thing is, it kind of was...worse. He hasn't been back to Ohio for eight years, the memories get that strong. Me, mom, Burt, we haven't seen him for about five years, just phone calls and stuff."

Amid the shocked gasps, Quinn's shaking voice rose.

"By 'worse', Finn, did you mean..."

Finn nodded.

"Oh, god."

This was echoed by the rest of the room.

"And none of us noticed? None of us?"

"He was our friend, and we let him slip away."

"He told us to forget him, and some of us really did."

The room fell silent again for a while as everyone thought it over.

"But what caused that one?"

Mercedes sighed again, and explained the story of Sebastian, and what he had done before. Mike shuffled awkwardly.

"He couldn't find his medication. Blaine, I mean. Kurt couldn't breathe, and he couldn't find the medicine to help. That's why they went home."

Mercedes nodded. She looked around the room at Kurt's friends.

"Kurt will want to see you again. Just don't talk too much about old times. It was weeks before he could talk to me without stuttering, so it might take a while, but eventually I think we could all be just normal friends."

Brittany looked over at her.

"Is this punch ever going to do anything?"

Mercedes blinked.

"Or as normal as the New Directions will ever get, I guess."

"Group hug?" Artie suggested. Everyone crowded round.

* * *

Blaine looked into the bedroom to see Kurt thrashing, jumbled sobs escaping his lips.

"No, please, I didn't say anything, I swear, please just let me go..."

Blaine pulled his husband close, murmuring sweet nothings into his hair. Kurt quieted, tears slipping down his face. Blaine gently dabbed them away, a soft sigh escaping him. On the bedside table, his phone buzzed. Opening it, he saw a text from Mercedes.

_'Is Kurt ok? Everyone understands, I explained. They want to see him again. Would that be ok?'_

Blaine tapped out a reply.

_'He's sleeping, but I think he'll be fine. Maybe we could have another party at New Years?'_


	9. Third Time Lucky

_If you recognise it, it's not mine._

* * *

Kurt brought another plate of cookies through, setting it on the table. Blaine was clambering around attaching streamers to the walls. The pair were hosting a New Years party, seeing as they had left before the end of the last one. Everyone had apparently been delighted to recieve the news, and so Kurt had been stressbaking since the twenty-ninth of December. Blaine jumped down from the couch, flinging an arm around Kurt's shoulders.

"Hey, if you make any more cookies we'll still be eating them by Feburary."

Kurt laughed, leaning into Blaine's embrace. The pair stayed like that for a while, until the doorbell rang. Kurt pulled it open, admitting Mercedes. She had come early to help set up for the party.

"Hey, Cedes. Could you maybe stop Blaine climbing on the furniture? I'm worried he'll fall and hurt himself."

Mercedes linked arms with the shorter man.

"C'mon, Blaine. What decorations do you have? Ooh, streamers! They're sort of like colourful stripes..."

"Mercedes Jones, don't you dare make my apartment look like a technicolour zebra!" Kurt called from the kitchen. Mercedes laughed, shrugging at Blaine. The two set to work, draping the room in decorations. By eight, everything was ready.

Tina and Mike arrived first, bringing a bottle of wine. Everyone else arrived soon after, drifting into groups and chatting. Surprisingly, Rachel and Santana arrived last. Rachel came straight to Kurt, whispering urgently in his ear.

"Something's up with Santana. She came home and hasn't spoken to me since. I've tried talking to her, asking her what's wrong and she won't say anything!"

Kurt nodded, glancing over at the Latina. Santana saw Rachel talking to him and paled. Her face crumpled and she fled the room. Kurt excused himself and chased after her, knocking on the bathroom door.

"Go away, Berry!"

"Santana, it's me. Kurt."

A pause.

"Can I come in?"

The door opened a crack. Kurt pushed it open further and slipped inside. Santana was huddled in the corner, face streaked with tears.

"Santana, what's wrong?"

Kurt put his arm round her. After a moment, she relaxed, leaning into his chest.

"Ostmyob," she muttered.

"Pardon?"

"I said, I lost my job, ok?"

"Oh, Santana. It's not the end of the world."

"But Rachel's always going on about how wonderfully her career is going, and I can't really do anything except dance and sing! I don't want to be on freaking Broadway, I was happy working in the club, and now it's closed down, I haven't got anything."

Kurt frowned as Santana dissolved into tears again. Then an idea struck him.

"You know, I have a problem too. One of my main models, Andrea? She's on maternity leave just now and she says that she might not go back to modelling. So I was looking for a replacement..."

Santana's head snapped up.

"Are you joking?"

"No."

"Seriously? I'd get to be a model?"

"Yeah. You've got a great figure, you're beautiful, long legs..."

"I thought you were gay, Hummel," Santana smirked, but she had a huge smile on her face.

"Now, let's get out of here. I have a party to host."

As they left the bathroom, Brittany bounced towards them.

"Kurt, there's someone at the door for you. Mercedes and Blaine don't like him, so I don't either. He kinda looks like a meerkat. He says his name's Sebastian-"

The colour drained from Kurt's face. Vaguely he could hear Santana squealing to Brittany, but all he could think of was the man waiting across the hall. _Third time lucky?_ Kurt walked into the room. And the first thing he thought was _'Oh my god, my friends are sometimes way too overprotective'_. And then? He joined the argument.


	10. Goodbye, New Start, The End

_If you recognise it, it's not mine._

* * *

"You have no right to be here, you-"

"Are you the one who hurt my little brother?"

"How did you find out where he lives?"

Kurt pushed through the shouting group.

_"Stop!"_

His shrill voice cut through the air, bringing everyone to a standstill.

"Mercedes, he has as much right to knock on the door of an apartment as anyone. Finn, I am four months older than you, and Rachel? If you stopped trying to deafen him, he will tell you how he got here."

Blaine took his arm tightly.

"Kurt, are you sure-"

"I'm fine. Now, instead of fighting, let's discuss this calmly, like adults, before I completely lose it. Sebastian, why are you here?"

The man shrugged, aware of the death glares coming from around the room.

"I guess I'm here to apologize."

"Excuse me?"

"Apologize, ok? I've been a jerk since high school, and I see that, and I just want to make it up to you."

Kurt stared at him in surprise.

"So what's brought around this change?"

Sebastian blushed.

"I've...met someone. He's really cool, his name's Adam, but his sister, she's got some panic disorder. Like you. And she had an attack when I was there, I'm not sure why, but I saw, really saw, what it was like, and Adam... He was so caring, and I could tell that it was hard to take care of someone like that. I really am sorry. Kurt, I was a horrible person in general. Blaine, I was obsessive and petty." Sebastian broke off, tears forming in his eyes. Kurt walked over, touching his shoulder lightly.

"I can't forgive you yet but I think we could someday become friends, maybe."

Sebastian shook his head.

"That's really why I came. I'm leaving New York. Pretty much forever. Adam and I, we're going to Texas. New start for me, a second chance."

Kurt nodded. Then he reached out and embraced Sebastian. Awkwardly at first, but then less so, the gesture was returned.

"Goodbye, Kurt, Blaine. And...and thank you."

Blaine half smiled, taking Kurt's hand again.

"Goodbye, Sebastian, and good luck. You're a good person, really. You could do a lot of good things. Don't waste your second chance."

Sebastian nodded. Then, silently, he turned and walked out of the room. The door clicked shut behind him. And Kurt stumbled to a chair, collapsing into it, releasing a shaking breath. Blaine moved towards him, but he was brushed away.

"Just... Give me a minute."

So they did. Santana beamed round the room.

"Guess who just got a job... As a _fashion model_!"

The girls squealed. Puck nodded appreciatively, earning a kick in the shin from Mike.

"Ow, dude. Not necessary."

The normal buzz of chatter resumed as Kurt curled up in his seat. He and Blaine exchanged glances. Later, they would talk about what happened. But not now. Soon, Kurt stood up.

"Ok! Half an hour to midnight, guys!"

They cheered, collecting glasses and choosing drinks. By 11.50, everyone had gathered out on the balcony, looking over the New York skyline. One by one, they said their resolutions. And some really meant something. Finally they reached the last few.

"I'm going to be the hottest model you ever seen, Porcelain."

"I want to try to be a better listener," Rachel declared, to general agreement. Mercedes smiled.

"I want to try something new. Not pop, not blues. Something which actually talks about me."

"I don't know what I need to do to improve my life. I already have the best friends I could ask for, and the best husband. I could..."

"Stop worrying? Or using so much hair gel?" Kurt suggested. Blaine laughed.

"That's mean. I guess...a bit less gel wouldn't hurt?"

Kurt high-fived Santana.

"Finally!"

"Ok, then, what about you?"

Kurt frowned, before a brilliant smile lit up his face. Carefully, he looked around at all his friends, memorizing every single detail of their faces.

"When I left Mckinley, I left so much more than a club. I left part of my family. And now, I've got you back, I never want to lose you again. We've grown up. I've found Blaine. We've all changed, one way or another. So, my New Year's resolution is to learn to forget the bad stuff. Make new memories. We are the New Directions, and now we're taking one. Agreed?"

The group cheered, clinking glasses together. The bells rang, one strike for each person. Ten years later, and they were still here. They made it.

In the sky far above, a shooting star flew.

**The End.**


End file.
